The Furious Angels
FA Discussion => Off Topic => Topic started by: Adad on March 27, 2007, 10:49:41 pm
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For my movie, I was playing with the idea of someone writing the plot/script for me and I would make it. I am not much of a writer unless I spend hours and hours on it, and I think the project would be best with the help of someone better at it. If I chose your's I will of course credit you for the story and screenplay if you write that as well.
I have a few minor guidlines for it:
1) begins with my character, Daniel Davis, and his daily life working at Metacortex. He flashes back to the day Thomas Anderson was "arrested" making him think how anyone could be taken at any time or something on those lines...
2)not necessary, but I was toying with a line such as "I always had a hard time waking up..." to play on the whole element of the awakening...
3) continues to the angels finding him, or vice versa, looking for a cool plot on how this happens
4)intro kicks in
5) first assignment with FA, I was thinking some sort of meeting where I am assigned to cover TBone as he meets with a merv or machinist and I end up taking them out before it gets out of hand as I am a sniper (preferably in Debir court as i have ideas for the shot)
6)leads to the climax where I am forced to/chose to stand my ground vs. and agent, preferably on a rooftop, angels come to my aid, ending with me killing the agent (Full Auto Redux) and forever wearing his glasses as a trophy
7) ends with me awakening others, Voltio.
So, some good places to start I think, but the details need to be filled in...... I want some main characters in there like Dag, Pirus, wood, T, Broin, etc, etc. that are with me often. Perhaps we can attempt a shot including most of the faction...
SO PLEASE SEND IN YOUR IDEAS. I'd love to see stories asap, and if I chose you as the author of Adad's Awakening, your story will live on forever in Matrix history!!! get writing.
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I'd be glad to write up something for you. I like to think of myself as a pretty decent writer. I just have a few questions for you and if you want we can discuss the details further. How do you want to handle the script? Do you want it written just a a short story, a screenplay, etc.? How are you going to handle the dialog? ie. Dubbing, subtitles, silent. Is everything going to be filmed in-game? For example Character A sits at a comp screen and is doing something on it... interacting with a hacker or FA. Are you going to use dialog to portray what's going on or while you want to edit in the actual computer screen later on?
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I will be shooting all in game, but am pretty good with making just about anything work when I need to, ie, you can write anything and I could find a way to try and make it worth (with a few exceptions). As for the dialogue, I will use recorded voices, so there will be actual dialogue, most likely by those who are in it. Other characters will be casted out of any other member of FA. If you know how to write scripts (courier font, layout, etc as any real script would be), that would be best, but you can just write a story and I can alter it i suppose. My goal is to make one of the most impressive, realistic movies via MxO out there and to leave an impact on the MxO community as well as carve my own name into the Matrix storyline. I don't quite follow your last question...I would like Voice overs at times of myself like describing elements of Adad's past, but in your computer example if I understand it, I could make the computer look real and show what's on it and all if that's what you're asking.
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If i get some free time (school is hectic atm) I'll try and write some sort of script.
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I'll be on some tonight and tomorrow night. But, your best bet since school is back in swing, is going to be over the weekend at night time.
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you need a debonair brit! every good film has a debonair brit!
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/slap
Capitals NoCry! Capitals! I demand it, damnit!!
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One little thing I just thought of in the story, it doesn't have to go much further than the fact that Adad wears the Agent glasses for more than just a statement that he has beaten one, but perhaps they can allow him to tap into their intel. In other words, they hear spottings of people they are searching for through them and communicate through them, perhaps a Zionist with a pair of them could warn his friends and such...just a thought
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I'm gonna have some free time this week. With any luck I'll have something by the weekend =p
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Thanks a lot man, that would be awesome. Also, anyone else interested at all, please don't hesitate to still write your version. I'd like some options if possible.
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Oh btw... if you could Adad... send me ideas you want for the story, etc. If you have a background story for you character that would be good too.
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Adad.... would you mind posting that background in the thread? Especially the reason you chose the name Adad?
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Well i have one, but that's my thing, i dont like it and it should be portrayed in the beginning of my movie. So I want a better one written that can be depicted where an angel finds me and what not, tied with the fact I saw Thomas Anderson removed from Metacortex etc.
The one I wrote has Morpheus as the one who wakes me up, but I dont like that, I want it to be FA/Tbone...
Feel free to use parts of it if you want, but as i said, im not a big fan of it, that's why im asking for a writer......the name part is important tho.
"Adad:
Guardian of Heaven; giver and taker of life.
I go by the alias Adad for several reasons. He was originally known as the god of rain and thunderstorms. I like to think that, ever since I have been awake, I have the power to give life to those I free as rain helps plants grow and prosper and, in turn, helps give life to all living things. On the other hand, I can bring chaos and wrath upon my enemies with my highly tuned martial arts skills and hacking abilities as a thunderstorm does to those who find themselves trapped in one. That is also why my life as a Furious Angel suits me perfectly. I have the ability to help, protect, and enlighten those around me, and the power to destroy those who cross me with the help of the faction. One last tidbit about my chosen alias is that Adad was chosen to help protect Heaven. Here in FA, I have that responsibility. We protect that which is most important to the human race, our last remaining place on Earth, Zion. I cherish my time here on the ship Libertas, following TBone, but I wasn’t always here.
After a traumatic experience during my childhood, I have always had a bit of a religious streak in me. When I was little, an angel came to me in a dream urging me to wake up from my sound slumber. As I arose, I found my room engulfed in smoke and my home was on fire. I hit the floor and my instincts got me out alive, but my parents were not as lucky. To this day I do not know why the smoke detector didn’t go off or how we didn’t know what was happening until it was too late, but I believed I was supposed to make it out of there for some reason, some purpose. I stood outside the blazing building, waiting for my family to meet me where it was safe, but they never came. The firemen were too late and I just watched in disbelief as everything I ever knew faded away in an uproar of flames and a cloud of smoke. This couldn’t be real, it couldn’t be happening. I refused to accept it, but there was a reason I made it out, there was a reason that angel picked me and I was going to find it.
Hoping to find that reason pushed me, haunted me, drove me to continue my life without my family, without anything. I needed an answer, I needed to know why I was saved when no one else could be. Why that angel picked me, out of everyone else I loved, to make it out. I searched for the answer everywhere, constantly telling myself there was a reason for all this. Trying to live my life and not let the question take over, I went to school where I was always defended myself from the cruel kids who taunted me for my losses. I was always in trouble for fighting, I would never back down, no matter who the opposition. I even took on the authorities at times, even though it never paid to attack my teachers, I wasn’t scared. What did I have left to lose?
I never made many friends there, and took up computers as a hobby when I realized my loneliness. Chat rooms and search engines were my link to the rest of the world while the one I was in was terrible to me. I took on that question again, why was I saved and no one else, and I began searching for things like ‘more to life,’ ‘reasons why I was spared,’ ‘angels,’ ‘dreams,’ trying everything I could to come up with an answer. Then it came…
I was thirteen at the time when I found my first clue. The first link in my Google search on ‘angels’ explained how they represent help from an unknown and unseeable origin to survive a difficult situation. I now had to figure out this origin, where it came from in order to warn me. While looking up the origin of dreams, I found that ancient Greeks thought they were brought by the god Morpheus who could represent human forms within the dreams that he gave to people. None of this made much sense at the time, but I had to find an answer, so I continued with searches on Morpheus. I found that a present-day alleged terrorist was going by that alias, and things began shaping up. He, too, was a computer hacker, and I found all the information I possibly could on him. One day, though, I found out more than I ever thought I would, I got a chance to meet him…
He contacted me with a brief phone call only giving me a location and allusions to angels, truth, and answers. This is what I’ve devoted my life to, so I found a way to meet him there. He offered me a choice. In one hand, I could find out why I was spared, who the angel was that rescued me, and why I didn’t accept my past ‘reality.’ I didn’t even wait to hear what the blue pill meant, I took the red one he held before me. All the other questions in my mind about the situation I was in, the strange man before me, none of them mattered. As long as I would have that one answered, my life would make sense again. I swallowed the pill, and went through the process we all know very well by now, and the rest is history. Here I am, part of the real world, a force to be reckoned with in the Matrix world. He freed me, though he would never take credit for it. The only thing left to figure out was the identity of my angel. Who truly set me free? Morpheus brought me to Zion, where I joined a crew of men when I was ready, most of whom had similar stories to tell of angels in their dreams and wanting to figure them out. The truth would soon come to all of us.
After a little over a year in the matrix, running missions for Zion with my teammates in the Priory of Zion, my hunt was over. Dagonet was the first to find his angel. Dmax and Pirus joined him months later, but I was still without mine. They helped me on my path, and I finally discovered the truth. I worked hard to get there, but I met a man called Tbone, who was one of the most respected commanders in all of Zion. He looked strangely familiar when I was introduced to him and I knew I had seen him somewhere before. Then it hit me. That was him, that was the angel who freed me from my death, he is the reason I am truly alive. He was the answer to the question that haunted me for years. I was finally truly awake and saw what he had intended for me to discover all along, when I was ready to. I was accepted into his crew of Furious Angels and I await the day a new redpill finds me, the man who saved him and set him free. I know where I belong, and my allegiance is forever devoted to Tbone, Zion, and a life as a Furious Angel.
//End transmission
##Transmission Terminated"
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another question... What kind of technological limitations will there be. In terms of camera angels, movements, etc?
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wow lol this would make a badass movie man too bad we cant put more detail in this... with that basic lay out you could make a feature length film lol I think its good as is but ultimately its your story and your decision. Seriously though, just reading that makes you wanna jack in and kick some ass. In any case good job on what you wrote so far and I hope the movie turns out well. If you need any help just send me email in game or a message here and i'll be there.
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Act as though there are no limitations, I am pretty good as solving most anything in filmmaking. The one thing in my story that definitely couldn't be done though is the fact I say my character was 13, also, it would be tough to get real characters, ie Morpheus in there, but not impossible. So I say, write it as you'd imagine it, then I can tell you what I cannot pull off and we can tweak it together.
Thanks Pirus, and I will be in touch when i shoot, hopefully starting next week. I would definitely make a full movie if I had all my memory devoted to my PC side of my Mac. But, I'm shootin for 15-30 minutes, which will be sweet. I will not settle for so so, or mistakes, i will do it until I love every second of it. Thus I expect it to be done in the Summer, but we shall see, I work fast when I'm into something...
Use this as motivation for your version of the story:
(http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/maddogjwn13/AdadAwakening-poster-6.jpg) (http://youtube.com/watch?v=K40wjFiMmWE)
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Sorry for the double post, but it is my thread ;)
I was just thinking, and use it only if you want, another little plot idea could be that I was deleted by an agent (against the rules of the truce) and FA talk to the architect or whomever would make the decision, to get my body reinserted to once again be awakened, thus my revenge on the agent near the end is needed. This is just a thought in response to the fact my character was lost a year ago, right after I joined FA and I had to rebuild him... keep it in mind. Thanks guys.
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So, could the architect have given you a kill code for that agent and/or the agent went rogue so it didnt have it's level 255 schizznit? :p
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Whatever the writers want to make it. I think either way, the agent should be strong as hell cuz i want angels to help me beat him. Think of it this way, I want that fight scene to be where our theme song kicks in, so think about those lyrics and you'll understand how I picture the fight.
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oh... almost forgot... what's you're characters name... at the very least his last name.
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Daniel Davis, its hidden in the poster and in my first post here, i think
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hmmmm .... agent walks towards adad as adad backs up against the wall ( a little worried at this point) angels suddenly drop in behind the agent and say come on adad we'll take this chump together bam wam thwop (inspired by batman lol) dead agent woot! lol ok lacks a few details but i didn't want to write that much :)
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Hey Ven, wasn't sure when I'd see u on next so I thought I'd write you here. I'd say the first act isn't really what im looking for as it seems to be first a story about NEO from someone else's perspective and though I wanted that touched upon, it just sounds like he'll be the protagonist, not Adad. then, the second part is too similar to Neo's awakening. I guess I was just looking for something more unique.
I definitely love the picture you create and all, great detail. It as easy to imagine how I'd shoot it. you're definitely a solid writer, I would like it to be more of a unique story tho. If you're still interested let me know if you have questions for the details still...
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I'll work on it... I'll tone down the neo aspect of it and make some changes.
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Thanks man. I enjoy the Angels following me as a bluepill, maybe play that up a bit more. I'd like to see one, perhaps T, in a mirror as I look into it, and then no one behind me...
Perhaps just use Thomas Anderson as the spark to my search.
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The Awakening Act 1 (By Venlar)
The camera pans across Megacity downtown. A heavy rain pours down while thunder is heard in the background. As the camera pans Metacortex can be seen in the distance. The camera pans down toward the street and focuses on a Daniel Davis walking down the street in the rain. He is wearing bland work cloths and seems unphased by the rain. The camera pans out to reveal there is an angel on a rooftop looking down on him.
Daniel Davis
It's been a year now. Since they took Tom.
The camera is focused on three agents standing in the lobby of the Metacortex building in a V formation. They walk towards the elevator. The camera pans to follow them.
Daniel Davis
I wouldn't say we were close friends. But there was some unspoken connection
between us.
The camera is focused on the three agents standing in the elevator of the Metacortex building. As they ride up the lead agent checks his pistol and loads it.
Daniel Davis
They never said why they took him. Only that it was a matter of national security.
They said he was a terrorist. heh. Thomas Anderson... a terrorist...
Fade to black. Play Title Sequence and credits.
Camera focus' on Daniel Davis sitting in front of a computer. The apartment is poorly maintained and the room darkened. Only the light from the computer screen fills the room.
Daniel Davis
I always thought of myself as good with computers. Tom made me look like an ametuer.
We see a news story on the computer of a figure being taken by agents in handcuffs.
Daniel Davis
Everytime I come close to finding something concrete I end up back at square one.
We see a photograph from a tabloid of Zionites running from agents.
Daniel Davis
The only thing that's remained consistant... The Matrix. I don't know what
it is. But I'm sure as hell going to find out.
Daniels computer screen turns black. Green lettering appears saying "Hello Adad." Adad types "Who is this?" To which is replied with "Your guardian angel." Then the mysterious messenger sends "The matrix has you... find a place of angels and you will find truth." As he finishes reading the last line the screen goes black.
Outside the rain has stopped. It is now night. We see Daniel Davis standing outside his local church. The camera pans up the large structure. Daniel glimpses a figure moving through the air... too dark to make out what it was. It seems to have landed on the roof of the church. The camera shows Daniel Davis standing in the back of the church. As the camera pans around it reveals a man dressed in all white standing in front of the altar. The camera changes to the other side of the church revealing half of this mysterious man in whites face. Daniel moves towards him. He stops just behind him.
Daniel Davis
Who...
The man cuts him off.
TBone
The question is not who. But why.
Daniel hesitates for a moment and replies.
Daniel Davis
Why?
The man turns to face Daniel.
TBone
I know you Adad. I know you've always had trouble waking up. I know you
have a sinking feeling in your gut that something is wrong. You
just can't understand why. I can help you understand.
Daniel Davis
My name is Daniel Da...
Tbone
Is it?
Daniel Davis
My parents ga...
TBone
Did they?
Daniel Davis
What the hell are you getting at?
TBone
You want to know what the matrix is. I can show you. You want to know why you feel
that something is not right. I can tell you. You want to know what happened to Neo.
You can find out.
Daniel Davis
How do you know Tom?
TBone
We've... worked together. Now is the time Adad. The time to choose.
We can hear that the rain and thunder has returned outside. The camera zooms onto TBones eyes. In his glasses it can be seen he is holding out his hands. In one hand a blue pill. In the other a red pill.
TBone
Take the blue pill and you will wake up tomorrow. Disregarding tonight as a strange dream.
Take the red pill and wake up from the dream Adad.
As a loud clash of thunder is heard in the background Daniel takes the redpill. The screen fades to black.
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I took a stab at an Act I for fun. Didn't spend very long on it, but here's what I came up with:
Rough Draft - Adad Movie
Scene: "Metacortex Office"
Adad as a bluepill is at work, doing routine things. Maybe getting ready to leave the office
Adad N: "I always hated working in an office. I felt like I was living in a cage. The more I worked, the more trapped I felt. I remember feeling envious of Thomas. Sometimes I wanted to just disappear...just like he did. I wanted to be free."
Angels are shown near Metacortex - maybe viewing Adad from an adjacent building through a window.
Tbone: "Today's the day. I think he's ready."
Angel 1: "What's so special about this guy again?"
Tbone: "He's got potential. I suppose you can't work next to Neo for three years without learning a thing or two."
Angel 2: (over phone) "He's leaving the building now."
Scene: "Outside street"
Flash of Adad walking the sidewalk. Flash of Angel 2 following.
Adad N: "I just couldn't seem to clear my mind that day..."
Adad begins to cross a street when suddenly a car speeds towards him.
Angel 2: "Dammit!"
Angel 2 rushes to save Adad, but before he can get there, Adad spots the car. In a moment that can only be described as a sudden awakening, Adad maneuvers out of harms way. From his point of view, we can see bits of code mixed in with the car and the surroundings, perhaps switching back and forth between code and regular view. Adad avoids the car but the shock of the event gets the better of him and he passes out. Darkness. Street sounds and movement.
Tbone: "What happened?! Get him inside that church!"
Scene: "Chruch"
Adad begins to regain consciousness. He is face to face with Tbone.
Angel: "We don't have much time, sir."
Tbone: "Adad? Can you hear me?"
Adad: "Adad? That's...that's my alias."
Tbone: "We wanted to do this differently, but you need to make a decision. We know you dream of being free. We can help. Are you willing to risk it all?"
Adad is either still seeing bits of code or remembers the code he saw.
Adad: "The code...I've seen it before...the Matrix."
Angel: (Adad is getting closer to waking up) "Sir..."
Tbone: "I know. Adad, we need-"
Adad: "You're Tbone. I want to be free. I feel...my mind is clearing."
Tbone: "This pill will free you, though the cost is high. This pill will-"
Before Tbone can explain, Adad takes the red pill. Tbone smiles. Intro begins.
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nicely done TBone... btw I loved this line...
Tbone: "He's got potential. I suppose you can't work next to Neo for three years without learning a thing or two."
Maybe we should make this a collaborative effort.
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So here's the revised version of act 1 of the script I'm writing for those who are curious
The Awakening Act 1 revised (by venlar)
The camera pans across Megacity downtown. A heavy rain pours down while thunder is heard in the background. As the camera pans Metacortex can be seen in the distance. The camera pans down toward the street and focuses on a Daniel Davis walking down the street in the rain. He is wearing bland work cloths and seems unphased by the rain. The camera pans out to reveal there is an angel on a rooftop looking down on him.
Daniel Davis
It's been a year now. Since they took Tom.
The camera is focused on three agents standing in the lobby of the Metacortex building in a V formation. They walk towards the elevator. The camera pans to follow them.
Daniel Davis
I wouldn't say we were close friends. But there was some unspoken connection
between us.
The camera is focused on the three agents standing in the elevator of the Metacortex building. As they ride up the lead agent checks his pistol and loads it.
Daniel Davis
They never said why they took him. Only that it was a matter of national security.
They said he was a terrorist. heh. Thomas Anderson... a terrorist... I'm glad they didn't know about me.
Fade to black. Play Title Sequence and credits.
The camera focuses on daniel walking through downtown at sunset. The rain has stopped.
Daniel Davis
I've always had trouble waking up. Somehow life didn't feel worth getting up for.
The camera shows Daniel from behind looking at his reflection in a window of a building.
Daniel Davis
You might get the impression I'm suicidal or depressed. It's quite the opposite. I love life.
I just don't feel as if I'm actually living it.
As he's looking in the window a truck/car drives by. When it passes a man in white appears staring at daniel from the middle of the road. When he turns to look at the man the man has vanished. He looks up at a scrolling electric sign. Stock market information scrolls by. In between this the sign scrolls "Adad." It continues to scroll more stock market information. The words "Follow the angel" appear.
Daniel Davis
For some time now I've suspected I'm going crazy. Maybe I am. And maybe
it's time I stopped resisting it.
Daniel continues to walk down the street. The camera pans around him revealing he's outside a church. He stops to look at the structure.
Daniel Davis whispers
Follow the angel.
The camera pans up the large structure. Daniel glimpses a figure moving through the air... too dark to make out what it was. It seems to have landed on the roof of the church. The camera shows Daniel Davis standing in the back of the church. As the camera pans around it reveals a man dressed in all white standing in front of the altar. The camera changes to the other side of the church revealing half of this mysterious man in whites face. Daniel moves towards him. He stops just behind him.
Daniel Davis
Who...
The man cuts him off.
TBone
The question is not who. But why.
Daniel hesitates for a moment and replys.
Daniel Davis
Why?
The man turns to face Daniel.
TBone
I know your name is Adad. I know you've always had trouble waking up. I know
have a sinking feeling in your gut that something is wrong. You
just can't understand why.
Daniel Davis
My name is Daniel Da...
Tbone
Is it?
Daniel Davis
My parents ga...
TBone
Did they?
Daniel Davis
What the hell are you getting at?
TBone
You want to know what the matrix is. You want to know why you feel
that something is not right. Why do you have trouble waking up in the morning?
Daniel Davis
I.. I.. don't know.
TBone
Yes you do. In the darkest corners of your mind you've always
suspected it. Now you must choose to know it.
TBone takes out a pistol and points it directly at Daniel Davis' head.
Tbone
Choose...
Daniel Davis
Are you crazy!?!
TBone
Chose now!
We can hear that the rain and thunder has returned outside. The camera zooms onto TBones eyes. We can see the reflection of the pistol pointed at Daniel Davis' head in his sunglasses.
TBone
Now!
Daniel Davis whispers
Yes.
Daniel Davis
Yes! Show...
TBone
You only need to show yourself.
A loud clash of thunder is heard as TBone fires his weapon. The muzzle flash is seen in the reflection of his sunglasses. The camera changes showing both men standing as the bullet travels across in slow motion towards Adad. As the bullet is half way to it's target the camera changes to show Adad collapse for no apparent reason. The camera the shows the bullet impact in the wall behind him. Fade to black. (might be cool to show the awakening sequence here from the tutorial... or create one of our own.)
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When I finish the final combination, I shall post it.
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hey Adad... when you finish combining the scripts and what not... send it too me. I already have ideas for the second and third act worked out in my head. I still want to see this though to get a better understanding of where the story is going.
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OK, sorry, after that day I was working on it, I haven't been back at school until 5am this morning due to shooting a real movie AAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL weekend. Anyways, I'll get to it tonight.
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by getting to it tonight i hope you mean jacking in and helping catch the commando :)
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I shall try to be home for that, I just saw it's 2 hours tonight... so I'll see if I can make it for all of it, definitely part.
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OK, well that didn't pan out... anyways, as far as my script. Ven what's your real name for credit purposes, you can PM if you want. And TBone, do you want your real name on it?
Here's my first act combined/altered from TBone and Venlar's. Suggestions?
1 - INT. METACORTEX DAY
The camera pans across Mega City downtown. Metacortex can be seen in the distance. The camera cuts inside to Daniel Davis working in a cubicle. He is wearing a gray suit; typical work cloths.
Daniel Davis (V.O.)
I always hated working in an office. I felt like a prisoner in some sort of cage. The more I worked, the more trapped I felt. I remember actually feeling envious of Tom.
Black and white. THREE AGENTS look to cubicles for THOMAS ANDERSON with Daniel watching.
I wouldn’t say we were close friends, but there was some unspoken connection between us.
Black and white. Agents leading Thomas out of Metacortex to a car.
Sometimes I wished someone would just take me away from this world as they did to him…
Daniel at desk staring blankly.
I wanted to be free.
2 – EXT ROOFTOP DAY
TBONE and an ANGEL stand on a rooftop watching Daniel in Metacortex.
TBone
Today’s the day. I think he’s ready.
Angel
What’s so special about this guy again?
TBone
He’s got potential. I suppose you can’t work next to Neo for three years without learning a thing or two.
TBone’s phone rings, he answers.
Angel 2 (phone)
He’s leaving the building now.
3 – EXT DOWNTOWN SUNSET
Daniel walks through downtown.
Daniel Davis
I remember that I always had trouble waking up in the mornings. I guess that life didn't feel worth getting up for.
Daniel looks at his reflection in a window of a building, yawning, when a van drives by. After it passes, a man in white appears staring at Daniel from across the street. When he turns to look, the man has vanished. Daniel continues his walk and looks up at a scrolling electric sign. Stock market information scrolls by. In between this the sign scrolls "Adad." It continues to scroll more stock information. The words "Follow the angel" go by.
Daniel Davis
For some time I had suspected I was just going crazy. Maybe I was. Or maybe
it was time I stopped resisting it.
Daniel continues to walk down the street. The camera circles around him revealing he's outside Manssen Park church. He stops to look at the structure.
Daniel Davis (sighs, whispers)
Follow the angel.
Daniel glimpses at a figure moving through the air against the moon. It seems to have landed on the roof of the church. Daniel enters.
4 – INT CHURCH NIGHT
Daniel stands in the back. A man in white stands up and walks into the stairwell. Daniel follows.
Daniel Davis
Who, who are you?
TBone
The question is not who I am, but who you are.
Daniel hesitates for a moment and replies.
Daniel Davis
Well, my name is Daniel…
The man cuts him off.
TBone
No. Who you really are. Life is not the one given to you by others but rather the one you make for yourself, Adad.
TBone begins to walk up the stairs, Daniel follows.
Daniel Davis
How do you know that name?
TBone
It is the life you lead outside the bonds and shackles of your job. Beyond the responsibilities of the “real” world that you try desperately to escape. Lucky for you, that is why I’m here.
Daniel Davis
Excuse me?
TBone
You have been searching for something more, and I am here to tell you it’s out there and I can show you where to find it. It is up to you if you follow me…
TBone leads him to the door to the roof, opens it and points out. A group of Furious Angels are revealed, standing at attention.
follow us.
Daniel looks at the impressive group, then back to TBone.
Daniel Davis
What do I have to do?
Cut to intro. Montage of Adad choosing the red pill, awakening from his pod, in the Real World training program, title.
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nice i like it :) but i do have a comment or more of a question really ... not about the story that seems fine but the actual taping of the video. Are you planning on using clips from the movie for the black and white scenes of neo being captured? If so that may be a little cheesy seeing as how the game is supposed to be reality if not then how do you propose on doing that? Maybe the path of neo's scenes will help with that.
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That's not bad. To add some depth to the story, you may want to indicate why it is that Tbone and FA has taken interest in Mr. Davis and why it is that they are searching HIM out. Even better yet, given that nature of how the Angels recruit, they generally don't search out candidates, its usually quite the opposite. Therefore, you may want to adjust that approach to the storyline to indicate that.
As it stands, there is just a series of events with no hint to the real reason or purpose to why its happening. How did Mr. Davis hear about "The Angels". Why is he seeking them out. OR Why is this character so important that its caused the Angels to seek HIM out?
I wouild also suggest removing references to Thomas Andersen unless that will be of any significance further along in the story. No reason to do any "name dropping" if it is of no relevence to the story.
Make sure you have a goal (climax) for your story, and then don't get distracted by adding events that do not serve to move the story toward that goal (climax). Be descriptive, but not overly so. Add details that describe your main characters personalities, habits, gestures, likes, dislikes and background details that make them who they are in the story you're trying to tell. Make the story unique every chance you get. If you know the reader is going to expect an up-coming occurance in the story, do something that completely surprises them.
Just another thing to keep in mind. Don't let the creativity of the story get lost in the philosophy of FA and The Matrix.
All the above serves to keep the readers interested by adding purpose to the story.
You've got a great start there. Let me know if I can be of any assistance. I dont' have time to write the story for you, but I can offer some advice and ideas.
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Well, I do know all that, but aparantly I'm not any good at it.
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Hehe....I wouldn't say that you're not good at it. Its something that comes with practice and is something I have to consciously keep in mind as I'm writing myself. But if you are aware of all that, then you're already ahead of the game. Its just a matter of putting into practice.
But as I said, I'll be happy to offer any ideas and advice as you write.
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kk... real name is Joe White... yes I know... blandest name EVER
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No real name for me please. I have enough jackasses doing research and finding me in MxO and saying "hello *name*...i'm watching you. do you want to come over?"
No seriously...this happened to me about a week ago randomly.
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Pirus, if I keep the Neo stuff (I need to figure out how to make it tie to the end) I will be shooting it in the game with someone dressed as he was and all. No biggy, should work.
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OK, I have decided to go another route. Instead of having Neo in a sort of "name dropping" form as Phienyx wisely put it, he will actually be a character., most like;y simply a Thomas Anderson and only in the first scene. His removal from Metacortex will be sparking my character's search for the truth. One thing about this tho is I would need a solid Keanu impersonator for a couple lines so if ANYONE wants to try it out, please do. I'm serious about this, so please do your best if inerested.
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OK, another version, I think I'm getting closer. More suggestions??
1 - INT. METACORTEX DAY
The camera pans across Mega City downtown. Metacortex can be seen in the distance. The camera cuts inside to DANIEL DAVIS working in a cubicle in a maroon shirt and tie. THOMAS ANDERSON comes in and sits at his desk in the next cubicle.
Daniel Davis
Hey, Tom you saved me when you covered for me yesterday. You’re my hero.
Thomas shrugs.
Thomas Anderson
Seems that’s what I’m here for lately.
Daniel Davis
Late night last night? You look terrible.
Thomas Anderson
Uh, yeah, I went out with a few… friends.
Daniel Davis
You know if you keep coming in late, Rhineheart is going to have you removed from this place.
Thomas Anderson
Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Don’t you ever get sick of working in this prison?
Daniel Davis
I ask myself if there is more to life than this place everyday.
Thomas Anderson
I’ve been told the answer will find you if you want it to. Something more is out there Dan.
Daniel stands up.
Daniel Davis
I hope so. In the mean time I have to file a few reports. I’ll be back in a few.
Thomas Anderson
Can you take this one for me?
Thomas hands a piece of paper to Daniel.
Daniel Davis
No problem.
Daniel leaves the room. When he gets off the elevator, he passes two agents. Shot cuts to him watching out a window as the agents take Thomas. He looks at the paper he took for him and it simply reads “What is the Matrix?” Fade out.
2 – EXT METACORTEX DAY
Fade in on Daniel walking to work in a gray suit. A man in white follows behind him.
Daniel Davis (V.O.)
Do you ever have the feeling someone, somewhere is watching over you? A guardian angel of sorts, protecting you from the evils of the world. I have always believed there was more to this world than what was on the surface and I have been looking for it for years. Lately, it seems, I am closer than ever to identifying my guardian angel. I have seen him in my dreams and he is the answer to the question that drives me. The question that once drove us all.
Daniel turns to look over his shoulder at the entrance of work and the man in white is gone. He enters.
3 – EXT ROOFTOP DAY
TBONE and an ANGEL stand on a rooftop watching Daniel in Metacortex.
TBone
Today’s the day. I think he’s ready.
Angel
What’s so special about this guy again?
TBone
I’ve had my eye on him since Operation Furious Angels began. You can’t work next to Neo without learning a thing or two about the truth and he has been looking for us for three years now. We will soon discover if he is worthy of a place with us.
The other Angel nods as TBone’s phone rings. He answers.
Angel 2 (phone)
He’s leaving the building now.
4 – EXT DOWNTOWN SUNSET
Daniel walks through downtown. He looks at his reflection in a window of a building, yawning, when a van drives by. After it passes, a man in white appears staring at Daniel from across the street. When he turns to look, the man has vanished again. Daniel crosses the street to try and find him when a car comes from nowhere. He sees it in slow motion with traces of code and manages to dodge it.
Daniel Davis (V.O.)
I don’t know how I did this, but I suppose sometimes you just have to take care of yourself.
TBone sees this and nods. Daniel continues his walk and looks up at a scrolling electric sign. Stock market information scrolls by. In between this the sign scrolls "Adad." It continues to scroll more stock information. The words "Follow the angel" go by. Shot cuts to a cross and it tilts down to reveal Manssen Park church. Daniel walks up to it and stops to look at the structure.
Daniel Davis (sighs, whispers)
Follow the angel.
Daniel glimpses at a figure moving through the air against the moon. It seems to have landed on the roof of the church. Daniel enters.
5 – INT CHURCH NIGHT
Daniel stands in the back. A man in white stands up and walks into the stairwell. Daniel follows.
Daniel Davis
You’re the one who has been following me, aren’t you?
TBone
The question is not who I am, but who you are.
Daniel hesitates for a moment and replies.
Daniel Davis
Well, my name is Daniel…
The man cuts him off.
TBone
No. Who you really are. Life is not the one given to you by others but rather the one you make for yourself, Adad.
TBone begins to walk up the stairs, Daniel follows.
Daniel Davis
How do you know that name?
TBone
It is the life you lead outside the bonds and shackles of your job. Beyond the responsibilities of the “real” world that you try desperately to escape. Lucky for you, that is why I’m here.
Daniel Davis
Excuse me?
TBone
You have been searching for something more, and I am here to tell you that I can show you where to find it. It is up to you if you follow me…
Daniel Davis
What do I have to do?
Cut to intro. Montage of Adad choosing the red pill, awakening from his pod, in the Real World training program, title.
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Yeah I like this one even more than the last one. Its definately a possibility since the movie has a gap between when neo is talking to his boss and when morpheus calls. There could easily be something in between there somewhere.
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OK, I'm putting my foot down, this is the final draft of Act 1. Now let me hear your best Thomas Anderson impressions....
Adad: Awakening of an Angel
By: Joe White “Venlar”
“TBone”
Jonathan Nettesheim “Adad”
Edited by:
“Da6onet”
1 - INT. METACORTEX DAY
The camera pans across Mega City downtown. Metacortex can be seen in the distance. The camera cuts inside to DANIEL DAVIS working in a cubicle in a maroon shirt and tie. THOMAS ANDERSON comes in and sits at his desk in the next cubicle.
Daniel Davis
Hey, Tom you saved me when you covered for me yesterday. You’re my hero.
Thomas shrugs.
Thomas Anderson
Seems that’s what I’m here for lately.
Daniel Davis
Late night last night? You look terrible.
Thomas Anderson
Uh, yeah, I went out with a few… friends.
Daniel Davis
You know if you keep coming in late, Rhineheart is going to have you pulled from this place.
Thomas Anderson
Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Don’t you ever get sick of working in this prison?
Daniel Davis
Everyday I ask myself if there’s more to life than this place.
Thomas Anderson
I’ve been told the answer will find you if you want it to. Something more is out there Dan.
Daniel stands up.
Daniel Davis
Deep stuff, but I suppose one can hope. In the mean time I have to file a few reports. I’ll be back in a few.
Thomas Anderson
Can you take this one for me?
Thomas hands a piece of paper to Daniel.
Daniel Davis
No problem.
Daniel leaves the room. When he gets off the elevator, he passes two agents. Shot cuts to him watching out a window as the agents take Thomas. He looks at the paper he took for him and it simply reads “What is the Matrix?” Fade out.
2 – EXT METACORTEX DAY
Fade in on Daniel walking to work in a gray suit. A man in white follows behind him.
Daniel Davis (V.O.)
Do you ever have the feeling someone, somewhere is watching over you? A guardian angel of sorts, protecting you from the evils of the world. I have always believed there was more to this world than what was on the surface and I have been digging at it for years.
Lately, it seems, I am closer than ever to finding my guardian angel. I have seen him in my dreams and he is the answer to the question that drives me; the question that once drove us all.
Cut to black and white shot of “What is the matrix?” on paper. Cut back to Daniel who turns to look over his shoulder at the entrance of work and the man in white is gone. He enters.
3 – EXT ROOFTOP DAY
TBONE and an ANGEL stand on a rooftop watching Daniel in Metacortex.
TBone
Today’s the day. I think he’s ready.
Da6onet
What’s so special about this guy again?
TBone
I’ve had my eye on him since our operation began. You can’t work next to Neo without learning a thing or two about the truth, and he has been looking for us for three years. We will soon discover if he is worthy of a place among our ranks.
The other Angel nods as TBone’s phone rings. He answers.
Pirus (phone)
He’s leaving the building now.
4 – EXT DOWNTOWN SUNSET
Daniel walks through downtown. He looks at his reflection in a window of a building, yawning, when a van drives by. After it passes, a man in white appears staring at Daniel from across the street. When he turns to look, the man has vanished again. Daniel crosses the street to try and find him when a car comes from nowhere. He sees it in slow motion with traces of code and manages to dodge it.
Daniel Davis
What the hell just happened? How did I…
TBone sees this and nods. Daniel looks up at a scrolling electric sign. Stock market information scrolls by. In between this the sign scrolls "Adad." It continues to scroll more stock information. The words "Follow the angel" go by. Shot cuts to a cross and it tilts down to reveal Manssen Park church. Daniel walks up to it and stops to look at the structure.
Daniel Davis (sighs, whispers)
Follow the angel.
Daniel glimpses at a figure moving through the air against the moon. It seems to have landed on the roof of the church. Daniel enters.
5 – INT CHURCH NIGHT
Daniel stands in the back. A man in white stands up and walks into the stairwell. Daniel follows.
Daniel Davis
You’re the one who has been following me, aren’t you? Who are you?
TBone
The question is not who I am, but who you are.
Daniel hesitates for a moment and replies.
Daniel Davis
Well, my name is Daniel…
The man cuts him off.
TBone
No. Who you really are. Life is not the one given to you by others but rather the one you make for yourself, Adad.
TBone begins to walk up the stairs, Daniel follows.
Daniel Davis
How do you know that name?
TBone
It is the life you lead outside the bonds and shackles of your job. Beyond the responsibilities of the “real” world from which you try desperately to escape. Lucky for you, that is why I’m here.
Daniel Davis
What do you mean?
TBone
You have been searching for something more, and I am here to tell you that I can show you where to find it.
It is up to you if you follow me…
Daniel Davis
What do I have to do?
Tbone
Make a choice.
Cut to intro. Montage of Adad choosing the red pill, awakening from his pod, in the Real World training program, title.
Anyone who is doing lines for me, please e-mail the recorded files to me at:
maddogjwn13@hotmail.com
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OK, i want to pick this back up. Please send in your best Neo impressions if you are interested, and if you enjoy writing, please send your ideas for acts 2 and 3. Follow some of my guidlines for events in them I have written in this thread.
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Hey Adad.
I am assuming that the above excerpt is an outline for the whole story or just for act 1? If this is for act 1, do you have a more detailed version written. I'll try my hand at act 1 and 2, but I need to make sure that I'm not missing any details from act 1.
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The script above is act 1. I need 2 and 3 written based on the ideas I put into the other pages of this thread
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nocry, you need the dolcit english tone of the nocry...
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The script above is act 1. I need 2 and 3 written based on the ideas I put into the other pages of this thread
Gotcha!
Any key plot points you want included?
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just what ive posted so far, there's a list or 2 in this thread