Author Topic: "Heavenly Joke" (Read 1075 times)

Anonymous · « **on:** November 18, 2004, 08:04:47 pm »

Republicans in Hell
While walking down the street one day, a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." says the Republican.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Republican head of state.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil (a Republican, too), who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator
rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the Republican head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

He reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: "Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to the Republican and lays an arm on his neck.

"I don't understand," stammers the Republican head of state. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"

OOC: If you can find where I got this, I will love you forever.

Anonymous · « **Reply #1 on:** November 18, 2004, 09:53:52 pm »

Well, I found it at a few sites (GOOGLE DOES NOT BITE lol

one is http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/101846.html another (and I think funnier modified version) is at http://www.cakewalk.com/forum/tm.asp?m=278671 , the list goes on.

Ketamininja · « **Reply #2 on:** November 19, 2004, 03:49:14 am »

Ahh, the wonders of true love.

Good joke

Anonymous · « **Reply #3 on:** November 19, 2004, 06:19:46 am »

Heres another one on the same page:

Bush dies and finds himself in hell's lobby. the devil is there and checks his book before telling him "well you're certainly on my list but it seems that we don't have room for you. hmmmm. it seems that there are three souls that deserve hell less than you , so i'm gonna let you choose between whose place you take here"

he then led W to the first of three red doors. opening it up he took a look inside, gave bush a look and said"well what do you think?"

inside was richard nixon bobbing in a very deep pool of near boiling water. every so often he had to swim to the bottom and pick up a stone and carry it to the surface and stack it along the edge of the pool. as he would do this another of the stones would fall back in. at the bottom of the pool was a pretty large pile.

"there" said the devil "you can take his place. as soon as you can get all the stones to balance on the edge you are free to leave" at this he winked.

"uh heh heh heh. let's see the next one" the ex-president replied.

as door number two opened W saw ronald reagan with shirt off breaking rocks with a sledge hammer. the pile that he was working on rose up above him as far as the eye could see, for miles and miles.

bush took a look and started to rub his shoulder, "old rugby injury, uh heh heh"
"better show me the next one"

at the third door bush was startled to see bill clinton strapped spreadeagle to a bed, naked. above him, monica lewinsky was doing what she was most famous for.

this time george didn't even hesitate, "that's the room that i want!" he said.

the devil asked politely "are you quite sure?"

"yeah, yeah. i'm all about this place. let's go"

the devil shook hands with W and said "good, then its final. monica darling, you're free to go now, we have your replacement."