The Black Order

[Anonymous]

He heard the distinctive sound of horseshoes on a dirt road and let out a sigh of relief. His scouts had come back and with any luck they would have some meat for tonight. As the sound grew in volume Calicar grew slightly worried. From the sounds coming from around the corner it sounded as if ten or more horses were there, but then again the thick foliage skirting the road made sounds play tricks on the ear. Even so Calicar placed his hand in his sabre’s pommel and tested it by pulling it out an inch or two to make sure it wasn’t stuck anywhere. He looked around and saw that his men had heard the noise and were as restless as him. His ten archers were stringing their bows and grasping one or two arrows from their back- quivers. The moment he saw the nose of the lead horse he heard a loud rustling of leaves from either side of the road and almost simultaneously arrows began to rain down on the thirty men on the road. Almost as soon as the arrows began to fall nine of his men went down with arrows lancing into sides and necks. His men scattered and hid under wagons and any other cover they could find.

   Calicar drew his sabre as he saw a dozen riders round the bend. He felt the familiar anticipation of battle run through him and welcomed the felling it brought. He heard the battle cry of the Hodrun sound and he charged towards the group of riders. He raised his sabre above his head so that the point was turned towards the black-garbed assailants. As he reached them he sent a murderous cut at the closest which gave him a red smile from ear to ear. A few of his own cavalry had joined the fray and were slashing left and right at the enemy. The battle cry had changed to an inhuman roar but this only served to aid Calicar as it made the men around him seem scared, and scared men made mistakes. Calicar made a full turn on his horse and saw that he alone had survived the initial combat with the dozen black-garbed horsemen. Of that dozen only a few were left. A man to his right launched himself from his horse and swung at the mounted Hodrun officer. Calicar parried and watched as the man fell heavily on his head, rendering him unconscious.  Still shaking from the parry, Calicar did not notice the blade flying towards his head until he was too late to stop it. He did the only thing he could and leapt from his horse.

Calicar rolled as he hit the ground and swore at the unconscious man to his left. What kind of suicidal man would jump at a mounted soldier? He stood and saw a horse bearing down on him. He slashed at its face as its rider made a lunge at Calicar, who swerved away from the blade. The horse reared and the rider fell from the saddle and landed heavily on the ground. Calicar heard the crunch of a bone breaking and knew that the man shouldn’t be getting up any time soon. He vaulted onto the jittering horse in time to parry a clumsy lunge sent at his chest that he countered by thundering a riposte at the man’s stomach that was only stopped by another man’s blade slamming into his own. The blow jarred Calicar’s whole blade causing him to almost drop it. He turned to the man and sent a two-handed swing at the man’s head. The man hastily brought up his sword that barely stopped the sabre as it cut towards him. Calicar could see the fear in the man’s eyes and it almost made him hesitate. He put the weight of his body against his blade and felt the swords begin to lower. Then he suddenly pulled back his blade, sweeping it round as the man fell forward after the pressure had gone. Calicar had caught the man off balance and he made full use of it. He brought his blade under the other man’s and cut across the man’s navel, parting the leather and skin alike. Blood began to flow but Calicar left the man, as an open gut was a mortal wound.

[Anonymous]

I'm writing a book kind of too, but it is only at the very very beginning.  It is set in feudal Japan and its about a Kensai named Meiji.  If you like I could post what I have done but I dont want to high-jack Ajaxs' thread.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm....someones been watching to much kenshin, and I cant tell whether its you or me.

And yes, I am also writing an eBook, as unless i get extremely lucky and get a deal, that will be put on fictionpress.com. Although, its set in a place, far, far away from earth. And no, its not a star wars tale.

As for your story, it seems as though everything seems to be going smoothly. You wrote the story elements well, and you wrote the battle scene as well as anyone could. At least almost anyone could. So far-****/*****

And as for Marrs, yes, Tolkien does rock. In fact, my "alias" is named after possibly the most important character in all of Ardas history, not only middle earth.

[Anonymous]

when the first matrix came out, i started coming up with a storyboard and script for "reloaded" at least i use to have it, dont know if i have it still, had it in my mind. fight scenes and all.

Zink

[Anonymous]

Ajax great story bro. The only thing I would suggest would be to change the name of your characters a little bit. Calicar is great, but with a name like Calicar, it sort of brings the story froma mystical level a little bit with a name like Jon and ed or Peter...you get what I 'm saying? But i'm really really intrugiued as to what's in that chest....you've got my attention Keep up the good work.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the name thing. You got Calicar and then...........Ed. It really ruins the mood.

Its okay, but then again its not really my type of book so you shouldn't go with what i say. I have friends who would think its insanely awesome. So don't listen to anything i have to say about the quality of the novel. One thing i can tell you for sure though is to polish it up a bit. A few of the sentences dont flow as well as they should, but thats easy to take care of and not something u really need to worry about until you have the rest of the novel written.

[Anonymous]

I agree, and maybe you should...idk clear up the fight scenes a little bit. I love to imagine them in my mind, you did a nice job, but from reading your story I know you could do better

Anywayz though really great story I can't wait for another posting.

[Anonymous]

Ya, we need more order. Black Order to be exact.

And im planning on making a thread for everyone to post their stories that they are creating. It would be a good place to get your story kicked off, and then post it on fictionpress.com and link them(do we allow links?) directly to the story.

And the name thing....Jon and Peter are very medieval names, and this is sent in a medieval time, and Calicar, although an excellent name,  wasnt a medieval name....

[Anonymous]

I will post another few pages when I get home tonight. Damn you people are impatient. Strokes his beard. (I love this avatar.)

[Anonymous]

Here Is this next installment in the Story.
     
           As Calicar swung the horse to face the remaining warriors, he felt it shudder and knew that the horse had had it. He swung himself out of the saddle and onto the ground. He turned to face the few remaining men as he brought his sabre to bear. He knew that he would never survive if he charged them himself, so he turned to the wagons. It was a slaughter, his men were scattered, in various states of death, most with arrows sticking out from various places. Men were rifling through the wagons and carriages, looking for something.

Calicar turned back to the riders only to see the dust their hooves had brought up. Calicar turned to the wagons and started to run. Everything felt as though it was slowing down as Calicar ran at the wagons. The archers were starting to run away and Calicar saw the chests in their arms. A few of the closest to Calicar didn’t have enough of a head start to get away. The first he reached raised his bow in defence but Calicar’s sabre cut straight through it and on through to the man’s head. Calicar spotted the body of Grenth, his first captain, slumped up against a caravan, and felt a lump in his throat. He saw that the archers were now too far away so he flung his blade at the nearest one. It sunk into the ground a few feet away from the man’s flying heels. Calicar fell to his knees and started to sob.

 As the last few arrows fell while the archers covered their retreat Calicar saw that they had not spared one life. He walked among his dead and saw that his archers had been the first to die because the blood around the arrowheads was beginning to clot. A few men had tried to hide in the wagons themselves but they had had their throats cut. Calicar went to the third wagon from the front once he had looked over all the dead and slid underneath it. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the chest had been untouched. He pulled the key from a pouch on his belt and slid it into the hole on the left clasp. It turned easily and he moved to the right that was also well oiled although the key had to be turned anti-clockwise whereas the left had been clockwise.

   Once both clasps were undone Calicar flicked them free of the locks and watched as the lid swung open and deposited a bundle of very fine black satin that was roughly head-size. Calicar knew that the satin covered something but it was not his way to delve into other peoples’ matters, so he left the object unwrapped. He pushed himself from under the wagon and once he was standing, placed the bundle under his cloak in one of two large pockets used to hold the large jars of Shifting Fire used by the Hodrun army against large groups of infantry. He walked over to one of the riders he had killed and crouched over the lifeless corpse. He saw that the headdress wasn’t attached to the rest of the man’s clothing so he pulled it free of the man’s head. He was bald and his entire head was covered by white face paint apart from around his eye sockets, nose and mouth. The overall effect was that of making the man’s head look like a skull. His eyes were then drawn to the dead man’s neck that boasted a necklace of teeth and claws from all kinds of beast. He even saw a few human teeth dangling from the leather. He moved to the next corpse and pulled the cloth from the man’s head he saw that he too had the face paint and necklace.

[Anonymous]

Oh well, It looks as though I am going to have to start posting to noone.

[Anonymous]

Calicar rose, walked over to his horse and slowly climbed into the saddle. He turned it back the way he had come and looked at the setting sun. He needed the militia of Lythor to come and take the wagons and dead back to Lythor to be dealt with in the proper fashion. Then he would set off for Feureth and deliver the object forty men had died for to its owner. He sighed and wondered what sort of item that that many men would die for and was almost tempted to remove the satin, but he remembered what the noble had said and stayed his hand.        Well, that was the prolouge, post here if you want any more.